Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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