Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
What a dumb baby whore.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
