: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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