What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Floor bacon is actually really good
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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