And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Soap is not a condiment
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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