there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
