Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
