Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
