I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Drake has all the answers
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
