between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just gift wrapped bread.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
