I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just come out here and I will go home with you...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
