eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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