my soul wont recognize me after tonight
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Terrible idea I love it
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
