I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
