I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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