Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
