I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
