i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Four minutes until I can fart!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
