evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
