Umm I'm too high to move.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
