We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
