I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize