you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
