i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We have started to decorate penises.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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