No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
