Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Randomize
