apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
