i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
