But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Pappa wants mamma naked
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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