it was like his penis was on wheels.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
