This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
