whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
