i was born a porn star she said
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
