I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
