So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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