Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
