can we get nightvision for the apartment?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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