Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
