hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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