I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize