Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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