Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
