Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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