So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
