Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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