So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
