I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize