Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
