i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
