She tied me up with her honor cords...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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