Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
