Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
