love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
