24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
