on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
