Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
