think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
