as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
