i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
