Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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