:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
