If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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