The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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