Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
